To: My plantar fascia
Re: Get over yourself
I am training for an Ironman right now and cannot be injured. I need to run on land again, and soon. Knock it off.
To: A valued client
Re: Don't fire me
I'm sorry that I never check my email. It's because I'm always at the gym. I'm also sorry that even when I do find out you need a bunch of urgent work, I still can't do it right away because I'm doing urgenter work for someone else.
I should probably find out whether you've been expelled from the gym or not, because I'm tired of watching the men's locker room door wondering if you're going to walk onto the pool deck and try to make my life miserable. I can no longer swim without thinking about you screaming at me, and I've come to the conclusion that I previously underreported your degree of jerkiness. I now freely and fully sanction an ass-kicking from my husband, my brother-in-law, the buff trainer, Lucy, or anyone else who may want a piece of you.
To: Everyday Endurance
Thanks for sponsoring a really cool giveaway. I was more than delighted to win $100 worth of technical running shirts from your website. Can't wait to try out my windfall.
One of the shirt designs (see above) reminded me of you, and so I'm sending you one. You are always so incredibly generous, and the heart rate monitor you lent me has been the most helpful thing ever. Thank you!