Monday, October 28, 2019

May have miscalculated

Friday: 45 minutes sitting
Saturday: 45 minutes sitting
Sunday: 45 minutes sitting
Monday: 45 minutes sitting

I really debated with myself about taking a day off of work this weekend—normally I make it a habit, and I do think it’s smart, but my freelancer livelihood depends on not disappointing people, and I have so much to do. Finally I decided that I wanted to be absolutely sure I can be free next weekend, when Dex has suggested he may possibly be visiting, so I put in 12 hours of work between Saturday and Sunday. M.H. and I also cleaned the entire house in preparation for being jointly even busier in the month of November.

That seemed to be fine at the time, but then I sat down to meditate this morning, and my brain was broken again.* I had what I’ve started to think of as a “posture freakout,” where I can’t get comfortable, my back aches, I keep fidgeting, I question everything in my life that’s come before this moment, etc. Not saying it’s necessarily caused by overwork; but just noting the correlation for the record.

* My book says it’s not helpful or correct to think of your brain as having something wrong with it because of difficulty focusing, but that’s just my shorthand for “Out of nowhere I was meditating like a person who just started yesterday and also has an anxiety disorder.” 

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